We Arrived in Seattle and Filming Is Underway!

Wow! Feels like I was just starting out countdown to our trip; and now we're nearly through the first week!  I had hoped to blog on the road; but between driving stints I could barely keep up with our Facebook posts and tweeting when I could!  We also were keeping our eyes open for potential road shots for the film.  David mainly handled that; but we all kept our eyes open for them.  I was also taking my own photos with my camera for posterity.  

So, we are finally here in Seattle AND I finally got to meet my sister Shannon Tucker.  Now for those of you who are not up to speed.  Shannon was introduced to me by my daughter Annabelle, both of whom are transgender.  I was seeking advice on how to care for Annabelle post surgery and Annabelle suggested I speak with Shannon, who helped care for another young trans woman after her surgery.  So, that's how we met, over the phone, just over 2 years ago.  Since that time we have chatted many, many times via Facebook chat but had not met in person.  So part of this journey was about making that happen.  I call Shannon my sister because she is like a surrogate mom/aunt to Annabelle here in Seattle.

Seattle is an absolutely beautiful city, despite all the negative comments you hear about the rain in the winter.  It's now August and the sun has shown very brightly ever since we've arrived!  We're staying in a very lovely home in West Seattle that boasts a small waterfall and koi pond in the backyard!  It is so very relaxing and peaceful here.  The one bonus is I get to have time to myself to relax while the rest of the film crew is out on their shoots in which I am not included!

From what I hear, filming is going great.  The crew is working long hours making sure they got what they need and it is all working properly.  We've got another week of filming left, then we head back to Rhode Island!

Keep following this blog and share with everyone you know.  Also follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TransJourney and Twitter at www.twitter.com/TransJourney1.  Remember to share our Facebook posts with your friends and retweet our tweets! 

TransJourney Countdown -- T Minus 4 Days!

Wow!  I can't believe we will be setting out to film TransJourney in actually less than 4 days!  And I'm way less prepared than I thought I would be at this time.  As I've stated when I first posted, preparing for this film has been a journey in itself.  And, of course, why should I expect it to be any different in the last few days running up against our departure date?  

I had planned to pull together the items I intended to bring, prepare a shopping list, and gradually attend to picking up different items I needed and take care of some household stuff.  

Suffice it to say that some major family issues came up which caused me to throw all my plans out the window!  Now I will be scrambling tomorrow and Wednesday to complete my To Do List!

I have checked the weather for this journey; and it appears it will be pretty good all along our route.  Our final stopping points along the way will be Toledo, OH; Minneapolis, MN; Miles City, MT; Spokane, WA; and Seattle, WA.  So we have some long days driving to get us to each location other than on our last leg of the trip.  I hope all of you will follow us as we make our way to Seattle!  We're on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TransJourney and on Twitter at www.Twitter.com/TransJourney1.

We're all excited and can't wait to hit the road!

TransJourney Countdown: T Minus 12 Days!

By this time 12 days from now we should be in or near Erie, PA on the first leg of our TransJourney to Seattle!  Difficult to believe that the time is nearly upon us.  Still have things to do to get ready.  Need to get the oil changed in my van and make sure everything is in ship shape.  It should be, as I've had the car checked out as recently as February of this year for another trip I made to Virginia.  I already have 4 new tires, new front and rear brakes, new wipers, wheels aligned, etc.  Need to check the emergency car and first aid kits for replenishments, make a shopping list for the crucial road trip food list, and finally figure out what I'm going to be wearing on this all-important road trip!

As we get closer to D(eparture)-Day, I am hoping we get more and more people interested in following us on this journey.  I've never been involved in filming anything before; so I'm not really sure what to expect.  I agreed to sign on for this because I thought it was important that Annabelle's and Shannon's stories be told.  And I want other moms, especially those with transgender kids (children and adults alike) to hear my story.

I've noticed recently that I'm getting new followers on Twitter every day; and I hope that continues to grow exponentially.  The more people who follow me @svrichard and TransJourney @TransJourney1 on Twitter, the better it will be.  I think the more people who are interested in our documentary, the more likely we will be able to get the documentary into film festivals and other screenings once it's completed.  So, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TransJourney and follow us on Twitter at either of the Twitter handles listed above; and please tell all your friends about us!

Also, if you happen to have any spare bucks, we could still use your financial support.  You can donate to TransJourney by going to the Shifting Visions Films website at www.shiftingvisions.com.  Click on the "Donate" button under the scrolling photos.  You can donate with PayPal or a credit card.  (Please ignore the link to our closed Indiegogo Campaign.)  All donations are tax deductible as Shifting Visions Films is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization.

The Accidental Activist

I have always believed in standing up for my convictions, for the things I have believed in. But I've never been what I would call an activist. For most of my life the things I have believed in didn't need anything or anyone standing up for them. I have always been a middle-left leaning person. I would stand up for my faith on the rare occasions someone would ask, but I have always felt that I, as a Follower of Jesus, had not the corner preacher type of calling. 

And then I was dragged, kicking and screaming and fighting, to this place where if I was to live at all, let alone live an honest life, I needed to transition from being someone who tried to be a man, to someone who more honestly was a woman.

My very prejudiced opinion is that Transgender and Gender-Nonconforming people are the very least understood minority in America. (And I had to go and be a part of an even more marginalized group of people as a transsexual, lesbian, born-again Follower of Jesus.)

I knew early on that most people had no idea about who I am or what it means to be transsexual. I knew that, like it or not, I was going to be educating people I encountered one way or another; I became an accidental activist. Most of my educating or "activism" was simply to live my life as honestly and as openly as possible. Most people never meet a transperson in their entire life and the one thing I wanted people to take away from experiencing me is that I am just like them with the same dreams of happiness and family and friends. I won't "hide my light under a bushel."

But I don't advertise my past either. I have had enough of secrets and closets, thank you, but I didn't make these changes to be an out and public transwoman.  I made these changes to be the sweet old lady next door, because that's who I am.

Having said that though, I still am an activist when the opportunity comes.

Recently, I was playing in the Washington Women's Publinx Golf 3-day championship tournament. On the first day, there was a closest to the Pin contest for each flight of about 12 women. And I was fortunate enough to end up less than a yard from the hole. (I think I was Closest to the Pin for all the flights but they didn't do it that way.) So at the end of the day my name was announce and I received a nice little prize.

The next morning, feeling really good and looking forward to more fun golf and fellowship, I walked by the lady who was in charge of the tournament. She called out my name and I knew immediately what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to go off someplace quiet so as to not embarrass me but I was fine just where I was. She said she had been told I was in the middle of some changes and the USGA rules said… I stopped her there and told her what the rules said, told her that there were two SRS surgeries for legal purposes and I had one in 2010. I told her that the rules required that I be on estrogen, but I had developed bad blood clots in my legs and my doctor would not prescribe estrogen for me. The woman who was talking to me said that would be a medical exception and to go have a good day playing golf. I didn't stop there, though. I told her that in Washington State, if you have a public event for women, then anyone who identified as a woman could be involved.

I felt really good about being ready for the questions and the way I responded.

But I was not able to go through my warmup from there.  I went to my car and…  And nearly had a meltdown. I was on the verge of tears. Someone, certainly from my club, didn't want me to be there. Someone didn't see me as a woman but as a man. Why couldn't I just be a woman who hits the golf ball a long ways but otherwise plays lousy golf? Why can't I just be a woman?

Being an Activist has a price. And I will pay that price. Being an Activist will make life easier for the folks who follow me. And I am proud to be an Activist.

TransJourney Countdown: T Minus 30 Days!

July is finally upon us and the trip preparations begin in earnest!  We're making lists so we don't forget anything and Alexia has been working on scheduling the shooting schedule and obtaining all the equipment needed for the production.  We've mapped out our final route out to Seattle and made our hotel reservations as we travel across country.  (We'll worry about the return trip later.)

We've also been continuing our fundraising efforts to help pay for production costs.  So if you are able to make a contribution or could share our need with your family and friends, the TransJourney crew would greatly appreciate it!  Since Shifting Visions Films is a non-profit organization, all donations are tax deductible.  Contributions can be made directly to Shifting Visions Films and mailed to them directly at 780 Reservoir Avenue, Cranston, RI 02910 or you can make an online contribution via Paypal on their website at www.shiftingvisions.com.  Ignore the link to the Indiegogo campaigns as that is now closed.

I know as we start off on this journey it will be with mixed emotions, as originally I had expected it to be much different.  It has already been a difficult journey just to get to where we are now.  My cousin Deb's illness and subsequent demise was not fully anticipated by me or Alexia.  Deb had health issues, no doubt; but up until that point they had been manageable and she always rebounded.  This time it was different.  We thought if she could just recover from her latest illness, then we could nurse her back to health.  But a higher power had a different journey in store for her and neither Alexia nor I could be a part of it.

See, besides journeying out to Seattle to see Annabelle and meeting my new "soul sister" Shannon, I was also hoping this journey would allow Deb and I to have some bonding time together.  You see, Deb wasn't just a cousin of mine.  I have lots of cousins, most on my mother's side of the family.  Deb was my cousin on my father's side of the family.  Deb and I are a little more than 3 months apart in age, she being the older cousin.  We spent a lot of time together growing up...a lot of time!  We were together practically from birth.  Our parents spent a lot of time together.  They all worked blue-collar jobs, primarily in factories; so they had similar life styles and economic circumstances.  We lived in tenements and our parents drove older used cars.  So Deb and I played together often as children.  We didn't always get along either.  But we did love one another.  Always did.  As a kid it was clear that Deb was a "tomboy".  I was not.  She loved exploring and being active.  She never liked dolls or the typical girl activities like playing house.  If we did play house, she would always be the dad!  And she absolutely HATED dresses!  I do remember that clearly.  So we would often fight about what to do when we were together, and we were both stubborn.   I don't remember the outcomes of these arguments; but I know I had a temper then.  I would get angry and do something stupid which would then backfire on me somehow.  I don't recall the individual incidents so much; it's just what I've been told.  But I did love my cousin.  She was daring, she was smart, she was outgoing, and she was funny.  All the things I wasn't.  I really looked up to her and was envious of her.

So on this journey that we had planned to embark on together I was looking forward to getting to know my cousin, my youthful partner in crime, all over again.  I had lost touch with her after her divorce.  I wanted to know about her life.  How she had met her partner Alexia and how she became interested in film.  We had years to fill and miles to travel.  It was to be the perfect road trip.  And then it wasn't.

We all grieve differently and this past year was difficult, especially for Alexia.  We knew, however, that Deb really wanted to see this documentary film become a reality.  That is why after much consideration, Alexia decided to move forward with it.  So, in just 30 days, it will be me and Alexia, with Deb in our hearts, who will embark on this TransJourney, along with David Stephens, our videographer for the road trip.  I know we will have our own great bonding experience, just different from what I had originally envisioned.

Father's Day

This has been hard for me to start writing.  Even before I first began to understand what my true gender was, I was uncomfortable about the kind of dad I was.  I was, still am, very proud to be the father of my 1stDaughter and my Son.  It has always been a blessing, a Grace thing from Poppa, to be the person He chose to help bring these two miracles into the world.

I am a follower of the Way of Jesus Christ.  I have always believed and have always been serious about the Word and tried to live my life according to my understandings.  The way I read my Bible, fathers are a big deal, with a great deal of responsibility for their children.  Being a husband and a father… I took it to be an extremely self-sacrificial calling.  A calling I had very little training for.  My Dad wasn't a bad dad; he was just very wrapped up in himself and absent a lot with his work and his hobbies.

So, I was called to this task with few tools and baggage I wasn't always aware of.  I tried the best I could to be a good dad.  I wasn't as emotionally available to my children as I think I should have been.  I had no idea or understanding of the "Daddy-Princess" relationship that I found out years later my 1stDaughter sorely missed.  I think she still misses it.  I wasn't always around for my Son to play catch or do other guy stuff. I took him camping and fishing and encouraged him with his scouting.

But because I could sense that I was broken and, at first, not sure how I was broken, and because being a Dad was not as natural as I thought it should have been, I was very uncomfortable with Father's Day.  Father's Day was an honor I did not feel worthy of. 

Today, the children I am father to are pretty much grown.  My 1stDaughter  is a pastor and has planted church.  She just got married to a very nice young Christian man.  My Son is called to ministry, too.  He currently works at a Union Gospel Mission in British Columbia and has a second job in service to people who are down on their luck.  I am very, very proud of them both.

TransJourney Countdown: T Minus 58 Days

After wondering if we would ever make this documentary, in barely less than 2 months (58 days to be exact) we will finally begin our TransJourney to Seattle, WA from my home in Coventry, RI!  We haven't actually begun our trip yet; but it already seems like we've been on such a journey just to get this off the ground!

Fundraising efforts have occupied a lot of our time of late.  It's an evil but necessary task.  I am hopeful that we will have what we need when we depart on August 1st.  It's been an emotional roller coaster ride to get where we are now!

The good news is that we now have our route worked out.  We'll be heading out through Massachusetts toward the New York Thruway with our first stop in Toledo, OH.  Then off to Rockford, IL.  Depending upon the time, we may meet with some newly acquainted Rockford PFLAG members and spend the night there or drive on to Minnesota.  The next stop will be Bismarck, ND and then on to Bozeman, MT where, if time permits, we'll meet up with some Bozeman PFLAG members.  From Bozeman we'll make a bee-line to our rented house in Seattle, WA on August 5th.  There will be some long days driving, but with 3 drivers, it shouldn't be too bad.

Originally, we were going to go through South Dakota; but then I realized that we would be heading West the same time as bikers would be heading to the big rally in Sturgis, SD.  So, in order to avoid any possible traffic congestion on the highway, we decided to take the northern route through North Dakota.  It's supposed to take the exact amount of time.  On the way back, we'll go through South Dakota for a change of scenery.

The next step is to make hotel reservations in each of these locations.  I'll be looking into that later this week.

Why the TransJourney Documentary Is Important to Me.

It was about 16 months ago that I sat down with my cousin Deb Monuteaux and her partner Alexia Kosmider at a Denny's in Warwick, RI when they brought up the idea of making a documentary about our transgender daughter Annabelle, our friend Shannon and myself.  They had met Annabelle earlier the previous summer when she was visiting us.  The idea was that this documentary would show how being transgender should not be the only thing that defines you and that someone who is transgender is really no different than anyone else.  The fact that someone is transgender is just something that happened to them.  Some people have an eidetic memory, or like my daughter, have eyes that are 2 different colors.  Being transgender should be looked at no differently than those types of occurrences.

I want people to look at Annabelle and Shannon and see that they are not much different than who they were before they transitioned.  I say "not much different" because I believe they are better people than they were before they transitioned.  I know Annabelle is because I've seen it in how she carries herself and in her spirit. She is much happier, as though her soul is lighter and her head is clearer.  Yet she is still much the same as she was before.  She has the same interests she had before she transitioned; yet she's added new ones as well.  She also dresses nicer and phones her mother more often--both a significant improvement!

I only met Shannon through Annabelle after Shannon transitioned.  But I know she's in a much happier place living her life as the woman she always was meant to be.  I wish her family would understand and accept that Shannon, who I have "adopted" as the sister I never had, needed to live an authentic life. Shannon loves her family deeply and it hurts her greatly to feel so rejected by them.  If only they would bring her back into their lives, they could see how much she is still the same parent, just better!

In the past couple of years, I have since met a number of transgender people and parents of transgender youth, and nearly all of them say they or their children are so much happier after transitioning.  I say "nearly all" because some of them have not completely transitioned yet or have other issues impacting their lives as well.  It really hurts me to hear the stories of rejection and denial of parents when their child tells them they are transgender.  I find it difficult to understand how a parent, or other family member, could disown or disrespect and denigrate their own child or parent for just being transgender.

I am hoping that with this documentary film, we can educate people about what it means to live as a transgender person and help dispel the misinformation and eliminate the prejudice that exists towards those who are transgender or gender non-conforming.  I also want parents and family members to know how important it is to embrace and love their family member who has identified themselves as transgender.  They need your love and support even more at this time.

I don't know that this will be addressed in the film, but I would also like to dispel the myth of a gender binary that we all grew up with.  It's time that the concept of a gender binary goes the way of the concept that the earth is flat.  Maybe then everyone will finally accept that gender is more than just pink or blue.

Mother's Day Musings

Me with my two daughters, Sara and Annabelle last summer, July 2012.

It seems appropriate that I make my first blog entry about TransJourney on Mother's Day.  After all, my role in this documentary is about how a mom reacts to learning she has a transgender daughter and how being transgender impacts her daughter Annabelle's life, as well as that of the rest of the family.  I'm not going to get into all that here, as that is what we will cover in TransJourney.  

The following photo is that of me in the hospital nursery after Annabelle's birth in 1983.  She is in isolation because she was born with an unknown rash at the time that they thought might be contagious, thus the mask and gown.  It became a non-issue and she was totally fine.

As I've become more involved in the development of the TransJourney documentary, I found myself also getting more involved in LGBTQ issues.  I joined PFLAG and now I've recently been appointed to their Board.  First I was involved in President Obama's re-election campaign running phone banks from my home.  Then I was approached about helping out with RI United for Marriage to pass Marriage Equality in RI, which I'm proud to say we won!  We held meetings, phone banks and made calls to key senators to ultimately win Marriage Equality for all Rhode Islanders.  All of this has re-ignited an old interest in activism that had been smouldering deep within me for years since my early 20's.  It's a welcome feeling.  It's energizing and exciting; but I do have to remind myself it's 40 years later and my body doesn't always cooperate with my heart!

We've been working very hard to get TransJourney off the ground.  Fundraising is NO FUN!  But, we have to do it to be able to make this documentary film.  Shifting Visions Films is a very small non-profit documentary film company that gets its primary funding through donations and grants.  Production grants are few and far between; so right now we're mainly looking at donations; although we still have a couple of grants applications out there.  So, if any of you are so inclined, please check out our campaign on Indiegogo.  It's a Flexible Funding Campaign, which means we get whatever is donated.  Even a small donation helps us a few more miles down the road!  Check us out at:  TransJourney Indiegogo Campaign

The TransJourney Begins!

TransJourney explores three women’s personal journeys and the ways their lives have become intertwined and made stronger because of one another.  In 2009 Annabelle transitioned to her new life as a woman.  We will delve into her new world, gain insight into how her mother Sandra, who lives in Rhode Island, learns about this life-altering event and strives to remain an integral part of her daughter's life in Seattle -- 3,000 miles away! 

Annabelle came to know Shannon, an older transgender woman, through the meetings they both attended at the Ingersoll Gender Center in Seattle.  Shannon offered to talk to Sandra about any questions she had about caring for someone after reconstructive surgery.  Since then she and Sandra have become close friends, but have yet to meet one another in person.