Father's Day

This has been hard for me to start writing.  Even before I first began to understand what my true gender was, I was uncomfortable about the kind of dad I was.  I was, still am, very proud to be the father of my 1stDaughter and my Son.  It has always been a blessing, a Grace thing from Poppa, to be the person He chose to help bring these two miracles into the world.

I am a follower of the Way of Jesus Christ.  I have always believed and have always been serious about the Word and tried to live my life according to my understandings.  The way I read my Bible, fathers are a big deal, with a great deal of responsibility for their children.  Being a husband and a father… I took it to be an extremely self-sacrificial calling.  A calling I had very little training for.  My Dad wasn't a bad dad; he was just very wrapped up in himself and absent a lot with his work and his hobbies.

So, I was called to this task with few tools and baggage I wasn't always aware of.  I tried the best I could to be a good dad.  I wasn't as emotionally available to my children as I think I should have been.  I had no idea or understanding of the "Daddy-Princess" relationship that I found out years later my 1stDaughter sorely missed.  I think she still misses it.  I wasn't always around for my Son to play catch or do other guy stuff. I took him camping and fishing and encouraged him with his scouting.

But because I could sense that I was broken and, at first, not sure how I was broken, and because being a Dad was not as natural as I thought it should have been, I was very uncomfortable with Father's Day.  Father's Day was an honor I did not feel worthy of. 

Today, the children I am father to are pretty much grown.  My 1stDaughter  is a pastor and has planted church.  She just got married to a very nice young Christian man.  My Son is called to ministry, too.  He currently works at a Union Gospel Mission in British Columbia and has a second job in service to people who are down on their luck.  I am very, very proud of them both.