The Accidental Activist

I have always believed in standing up for my convictions, for the things I have believed in. But I've never been what I would call an activist. For most of my life the things I have believed in didn't need anything or anyone standing up for them. I have always been a middle-left leaning person. I would stand up for my faith on the rare occasions someone would ask, but I have always felt that I, as a Follower of Jesus, had not the corner preacher type of calling. 

And then I was dragged, kicking and screaming and fighting, to this place where if I was to live at all, let alone live an honest life, I needed to transition from being someone who tried to be a man, to someone who more honestly was a woman.

My very prejudiced opinion is that Transgender and Gender-Nonconforming people are the very least understood minority in America. (And I had to go and be a part of an even more marginalized group of people as a transsexual, lesbian, born-again Follower of Jesus.)

I knew early on that most people had no idea about who I am or what it means to be transsexual. I knew that, like it or not, I was going to be educating people I encountered one way or another; I became an accidental activist. Most of my educating or "activism" was simply to live my life as honestly and as openly as possible. Most people never meet a transperson in their entire life and the one thing I wanted people to take away from experiencing me is that I am just like them with the same dreams of happiness and family and friends. I won't "hide my light under a bushel."

But I don't advertise my past either. I have had enough of secrets and closets, thank you, but I didn't make these changes to be an out and public transwoman.  I made these changes to be the sweet old lady next door, because that's who I am.

Having said that though, I still am an activist when the opportunity comes.

Recently, I was playing in the Washington Women's Publinx Golf 3-day championship tournament. On the first day, there was a closest to the Pin contest for each flight of about 12 women. And I was fortunate enough to end up less than a yard from the hole. (I think I was Closest to the Pin for all the flights but they didn't do it that way.) So at the end of the day my name was announce and I received a nice little prize.

The next morning, feeling really good and looking forward to more fun golf and fellowship, I walked by the lady who was in charge of the tournament. She called out my name and I knew immediately what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to go off someplace quiet so as to not embarrass me but I was fine just where I was. She said she had been told I was in the middle of some changes and the USGA rules said… I stopped her there and told her what the rules said, told her that there were two SRS surgeries for legal purposes and I had one in 2010. I told her that the rules required that I be on estrogen, but I had developed bad blood clots in my legs and my doctor would not prescribe estrogen for me. The woman who was talking to me said that would be a medical exception and to go have a good day playing golf. I didn't stop there, though. I told her that in Washington State, if you have a public event for women, then anyone who identified as a woman could be involved.

I felt really good about being ready for the questions and the way I responded.

But I was not able to go through my warmup from there.  I went to my car and…  And nearly had a meltdown. I was on the verge of tears. Someone, certainly from my club, didn't want me to be there. Someone didn't see me as a woman but as a man. Why couldn't I just be a woman who hits the golf ball a long ways but otherwise plays lousy golf? Why can't I just be a woman?

Being an Activist has a price. And I will pay that price. Being an Activist will make life easier for the folks who follow me. And I am proud to be an Activist.